Philosophical Turn

Mindful of the big, human questions
the illustrious Department was —
What is beauty? Who am I?
What is real? What is good?
Rigorous, nourishing, fair
its philosophical fare
from great thinkers, past and new
lovers of wisdom, of virtue,
engaged in the search for truth.

Retirement and school “reform”
spelled a nefarious turn.
Postmodern and Marxist wands
wave from once prestigious slots,
mesmerizing impressionable minds.
Nietzsche, Dewey, Foucault,
Lukács, Hegel, Derrida
strewn in insipid broth.

Écrasez the ancients and medievals,
aesthetics and metaphysics,
natural law, final ends –
too naïve, too common sense,
too theistic, too simplistic.
Contemplation? Out of date!
Ethical systems? Passé!
Eternally doubt instead!
Exclaim with smug inflection:
it’s all relative, anyway!

You are most welcome! See yourself!
This “Philosophy” Département
Nothing is true, everything goes
Little substance, and all show
Time, act, language, history,
cartoons, photos, memes, and films —
equally worthy subjects be
of philosophical inquiry
Speculate the Internet!
Jilt real musing at the Cave!

To this college by the sea
just show up, follow your bliss
Soon you will too cogitate
Beyond Good and Intellect.